Some Assembly Required
by NocturnalFerri
Summary: One of the toughest assignments yet... :-) inspired by my dad *trying* to assemble something.


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"Some Assembly Required"

By NocturnalFerri

Disclaimer: I don't own Star wars. I'm just using them as an outlet for my overactive imagination.

AN: This was inspired by my dad's attempt at assembling a lantern and his dependence on pictures. LOL. Hey, I'm not complaining. We got a lot of things assembled that way! May the Force Be With You!!!! 

***

"Good morning Qui-Gon."

Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn looked up from his work. "Good morning Padawan.

Obi-Wan walked over to where Qui-Gon was seated at his desk. "What are you doing?"

Qui-Gon showed his sixteen-year-old Padawan the little device he was working on. "Our comlinks. Remember when they malfunctioned on our last mission?"

Obi-Wan grimaced. "Ah…erm…unfortunately." The lack of communication between the pair had cost them several mis-communicated instructions and miscalculated mishaps.

"I am trying to repair them. Yours especially."

"Mine?"

Qui-Gon shook the comlink he was working on at him. "Yes yours. Did you drop yours in the river again, its wires are rusted and the casing is cracked."

Obi-Wan blushed slightly. "Yes master. We were swimming. It fell in."

"Ah." 

Obi-Wan craned his neck. "May I help master?"

"It's all right Padawan. You're not the only one with engineering skills." Teased Qui-Gon referring to Obi-Wan's high grades in engineering class.

"I wasn't implying-

Qui-Gon cut him off. "I know. I know."

Obi-Wan observed Qui-Gon's work. "Don't touch the blue wire. It's hot."

"I know that Padawan. Thank you for the warning."

"Uh, you better not touch that, Master. It's the main controller chip."

Qui-Gon looked at his Padawan. "Don't you have classes to attend?"

"It doesn't start for an hour."

Qui-Gon sighed and went back to work. Only a few minutes passed before Obi-Wan spoke once more.

"Uh, master, that wire's live. You didn't cut the connection to it. It could explode."

Qui-Gon sighed. "I know what I am doing, Padawan." He continued to work with the aforementioned wire.

"Uh, master. It really is active."

"Padawan, I know what I'm doing." Repeated Qui-Gon, losing patience. It's not the red wire that's active; it's the blue one. 

"It's the red one." Countered Obi-Wan.

"It's the blue."

"I know what I'm doing Padawan." Insisted Qui-Gon. He moved a wire cutter to the red wire's direction. Obi-Wan reached over and put his hand over Qui-Gon's.

"No master." He warned.

"I know what I'm doing." Qui-Gon tried to release his hand. Obi-Wan didn't budge.

"It'll overload."

"It won't."

The wire cutter went back and forth between the two. In the process, the wire cutter slipped and snapped something in the comlink. There was a soft electronic whine. The two Jedi looked at each other. Both dove for cover as the comlink exploded.

Obi-Wan lifted his head from his hands and looked to see if his master was all right. "Qui-Gon!" he rushed over to his master's side. "Are you all right?"

Qui-Gon groaned and stood up. "I am unharmed, Obi-Wan. Are you?" 

"No." replied Obi-Wan. He grimaced. "But the desk isn't."

The older Jedi looked over to his desk. It wasn't there. Or rather, most of it wasn't. The explosion had blown up the desk and left it in several pieces. The floor was slightly blackened in the small blast. Qui-Gon sighed and picked up the comlink that had made the blast. Both wires were cut. There was no way to tell which had initiated the blast.

"What will we do?" Asked Obi-Wan.

"Get new comlinks from the equipment room." Said Qui-Gon. "Get one of the custodian druids to lean this up. Order a new desk I suppose." 

"I'm sorry master." Said Obi-Wan. "It was my fault. If I didn't argue-

"It is not your fault." Said Qui-Gon. "We don't know. It's better for the desk to be harmed rather than us, correct Padawan?" Obi-Wan nodded. "Desks can be replaced. You and I cannot." He smiled with a glint in his eyes. "Besides, I have been wanting a reason to replace that old desk for some time now." Obi-Wan grinned. Qui-Gon swatted the teenager's shoulder. Go on now. You'll be late for lessons. I'll meet you for mid day meal."

"Yes master."

Qui-Gon opened the door to the Senior Jedi and visiting master-Padawan's dinning hall with a paper booklet in hand. He found his Padawan seated by the window reading a datacard. His Padawan worked so hard sometimes. Observed Qui-Gon. He nodded greeting to a few of his friends as he headed for his Padawan. Obi-Wan sensed his approach and looked up. "Hello master."

"Hello Padawan." He sat down across from the teenager. "How did your lessons go?"

"Well. We had a pop quiz in astrophysics today." Grimaced Obi-Wan. 

"How did you do?"

"95."

"Very good Padawan. Why did you grimace?"

"I don't like being unprepared." He smirked and showed his master when he had been reading. It was the schematic of a comlink. "It was the blue one."

Qui-Gon frowned. But didn't say anything. Instead, he put the booklet on the table. "We need to decide on what to order."

"It's your desk, master. Not mine."

"Well, you are my Padawan. I appreciate your input." Countered Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan groaned. He didn't exactly like catalog shopping with his master. It was never much fun. Added to that, they never had the same tastes in styles. Obi-Wan was glad he was required to wear a Jedi uniform and didn't have to bother with clothing styles much. 

Qui-Gon showed him the booklet. Obi-Wan looked at the company name. "Ahkeah?"

Qui-Gon opened up the booklet and they began to leaf through the pages. After some arguing and clashing of tastes, they finally decided on a simple metal desk with wood accents that came with a matching chair. 

"I shall place the order when I pass by the custodian's room." Said Qui-Gon. It shouldn't take long to order."

"Master?" Obi-Wan pointed to the fine print in the corner of the desk's picture. "Some assembly required."

"That's fine." Said Qui on. "I'm sure we could assemble it."

"I don't know master." Said Obi-Wan skeptically. "It's difficult to assemble those things."

"Padawan, seriously," Qui-Gon looked at his Padawan. "Which is harder to assemble? One of those toy ships you insist on keeping or a simple desk?"

"Given the choices, I'd say the desk. And they're replica model ships!" insisted Obi-Wan.

"I think you are exaggerating." Said Qui-Gon.

"I'm not." Said Obi-Wan. "Last time I was on home leave my dad ordered something from them. It took him hours!"

"And was it assembled?"

"Yes but-"

"But it did get assembled." Concluded Qui-Gon. "Your father's furniture was assembled and so will ours."

Obi-Wan sat back in his seat and folded his arms stubbornly. "I have a bad feeling about this." 

Two business days later, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were seated in the temple's gardens having a quiet private training session. Qui-Gon spoke softly to his Padawan, teaching him about the living force. Obi-Wan had his eyes closed and was following his master's every word. He wove his essence through the force, examining each and everything all at once. From the flowers and grass to the initiate class being held just a few gardens away from them, he was aware of them all. It was rare for Obi-Wan to have such a genuine and complete connection to the living side of the force.

Qui-Gon opened his eyes and watched his Padawan. He smiled. "You are doing well Padawan. Your connection to the living force is strengthening."

"Master…" muttered Obi-Wan, his eyes still closed. "Your desk is here."

Qui-Gon gave Obi-Wan a weird look. "What?"

A temple custodian suddenly appeared in the garden holding a signing pad. " Jedi Jinn. Sign please."

Qui-Gon frowned slightly at the custodian's sudden appearance. It was not appropriate for one to intrude on a Master-Padawan training lesson so abruptly, no matter who it was. He took the pad and signed in his code. The custodian left without a word to retrieve the package.

"It's his first day here, master." Said Obi-Wan, still in his trance and fully aware of his master's unspoken thoughts. "He wasn't shown the ropes yet."

"At least he hasn't disturbed you." Said Qui-Gon. "It's hard enough to get you into this high a level of patience."

The custodian reappeared with a gravi-cart and set the box down before the master and left. The box was rather large. Qui-Gon went to it and nudged the side. There was the loud sound of metal clanging against each other. "He could have at least sent it directly to our quarters." Commented Obi-Wan as he slowly opened his eyes. They had the glazed over look he always got when he was in a life force observing trance.

"Now to assemble it." Said Qui-Gon.

"Right master." Nodded Obi-Wan.

Suddenly the sound of a soft chime filled the air. Totally abandoning his calm peaceful state he was in only seconds before, Obi-Wan sprang to his feet in a rush. "I'm sorry master. I was so absorbed with our training I didn't realize the time. I have astrophysics class, Jedi history and Initiate observance duty." Said Obi-Wan in a rush.

Qui-Gon nodded. I understand. Go to your classes. You'll be late."

"I wanted to help you with your desk." Said Obi-Wan and silently added "You'll need it." 

"I will be fine. Your classes are more important," said Qui-Gon. "How hard could assembling one little desk be?"

Obi-Wan swallowed hard. "Uh…don't jinx it master." He looked at the small chrono on his belt. "Whoops-gotta-run-bye-Master." He managed a hasty bow before grabbing his data pad and dashing off towards the temple.

Qui-Gon stood and looked at the box. "How hard could it be?" He bent down and tried to lift the box. It didn't move at all. After a few physical attempts, he settled on levitating the package the whole way.

Qui-Gon levitated the large parcel though the door and set it down in the middle of the sitting room and closed the door. He knelt down and ripped the packaging tape off the box, completely disregarding the sideways "This End Up" icon printed on the box. The flaps burst open and a wave of metal, plasti-sheets, and wood parts, nuts and bolts, pipes, and hinges rushed out. 

Trying to keep his composure, Qui-Gon simply rubbed the back of his neck and surveyed the unassembled parts of his new desk cluttered on the floor. He frowned and muttered to himself. "Some assembly required…right." He turned the box over and searched for an instruction manual thinking it may be of some help. He found the manual, but it would be far from offering much help. It was a thick booklet of at least 400 pages of old fashioned parchment. Its pages were almost falling off the seams from the poor binding. Carefully opening the cover, he discovered the book to contain instructions in at least six languages. Most of which, the Jedi Master didn't recognize. Finally, after much page turning, for the book didn't have a table of contents, he found the Basic section. He rubbed his temples. "May the force be with me." He flipped the pages and found pages upon pages of diagrams, and paragraphs describing various steps. He set his jaw stubbornly and was determined to get through with it. He told his Padawan he could do it, and he would. He was a Jedi Master after all. He faced things far more difficult than this. How hard could assembling a study desk be? 

Two hours later, the legendary Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn sat cross-legged on the floor in the middle of the sitting room. His hair was in slight disarray, his cloak was rumbled and tossed sloppily on the chair, tools were strewn around him and he certainly did not look happy. The only spot in the room not covered with parts was the place Qui-Gon sat. Before the frustrated Jedi Master sat the Study desk he had worked so long and hard on. Then again, it did not look like a desk at all or even resembled anything like a desk. Four metal legs stood upright with a metal sheet bolted unevenly across two of them. Metal bars jutted out from each side b half screwed in bolts. Plasti-sheet covers dangled on the sides and the under desk compartment sat bolted to the topside of the desk in progress.

Qui-Gon stared at the pieces in his hands. One was a short metal circular bar. The other was a cubic bolt. He looked at the manual's 350th page and recited for the tenth time. Insert bar 23A into Bolt C12 by firmly but loosely gripping past 23A and sliding it into part C12 with apparatus J4 and appendage 5 as show in the diagram. Place completed product into area Blue33, lock into appropriate area with hinge G4 and seal into place with adhesive serial number 98121." Qui-Gon blinked and stared at the meaningless jumble of words. He glanced at the round tube and square bolt in his hands and then back at the instructions. "What the Sith does that supposed to mean?" he exclaimed to himself. He shoved the bar and bolt into each other without success.

Qui-Gon sighed and rubbed his temples. It was only a table after all. There was no need to be upset over a piece of furniture. "Maybe the next step will shed some light on this Sith forsaken piece of scrap." He muttered. He turned the page.

"Insert previously assembled drawers into areas red12 and neonpurple65 and click into place. Congratulations. You are now a proud owner of an Ahikia Study desk. Congratulations." Qui-Gon stared blankly at the last step. When he finally reacted it sounded like a strangled back gag. "I'm done? This can't be. This is not done!" he gestured to the thing before him. As if in response, a previously attached bar clanged to the floor. Qui-Gon held back a growl and closed his eyes. Gritting his teeth, he settled into a meditation. 

When Qui-Gon finally opened his eyes, he immediately wished he didn't. It was bad enough the source of his grief sat before him in a mis-assembled heap, but the sight of the desk parts cluttered room was enough to make him groan aloud once more. He would have to clean the mess up before his Padawan came home from lessons. It wouldn't look good for Obi-Wan to see the mess right after he had been lectured on cleanliness the morning before by the same Master who made it.

Qui-Gon sighed, and looked at the manual again. "This can't be finished. There can't possibly be this many extra parts." He shook his head and turned the manual back to page one and started over. 

One hour later, Qui-Gon was knocking his head against the partially assembled desktop. He knew it would not help the situation, but he did it anyway. Despite the pain building up in his forehead, it made him feel better. Frustration wise anyway. Parts were still cluttered around him. He had managed to jam a few more into the desk, but it still didn't look right. 

Qui-Gon stopped banging his head. He drew his knees up to him and rested his elbows on them. What was that saying Master Yoda had always told him? Do or do not. There is no try. Qui-Gon snorted and looked at the fruit of his labors. A couple pieces fell to the floor. "Do not." Judged Qui-Gon.

Just then, the doors to the apartment beeped and slid open. There was the slight rustle of a cloak and shuffling of boots across the floor. Qui-Gon groaned. This was going to be humiliating. "Over here Padawan."

"Master?" Called out Obi-Wan. He passed through the dining area, put his study data cards on the table, snatched up a purple fruit from the fruit bowl and headed for the sitting room, all without breaking a step. He bit into the fruit with a loud crunch and poked his head into the sitting room. He almost choked upon entering. He swallowed quickly. "Master?" Obi-Wan picked his way around the cluttered parts on the floor to reach his Master. "Are you alright?" 

Qui-Gon gestured to the desk. "Tell me what you see Padawan." 

Obi-Wan tried to keep his face expressionless. "Uh," how was he supposed to describe the piece of junk his Master had worked so hard on? "Well, It is a desk, Master. It is approximately a meter in height…on this end anyway. It is metallic green in color. There are three drawers on this side…uh, four, I mean…if you count the one on the floor. It has a stylus holder on the right corner…no, uh, that's a hole. " Obi-Wan swallowed, running out of diplomatic phrasings. He was about to continue his verbal diarrhea when Qui-Gon held up a hand.

"It's a hunk of scrap metal."

Obi-Wan swallowed. "Uh, your words, not mine, Master."

Qui-Gon laughed. "Don't worry Padawan. I'm merely stating the obvious." He sighed in frustration. "I've been working on this thing for at least 6 hours know, an it still does not even resemble a desk." He held up a hand. "Don't even try to argue Obi-Wan, it does look horrible." Obi-Wan grinned sheepishly. "No matter what I do, or how many times I read the manual, I can't get it right." He held up the thick manual. "I even tried reading the Huttenese instructions in hopes I could understand that." He let it drop to the floor. "As you can see, it didn't work."

Obi-Wan offered a sympathetic look as he hunkered down on the floor next to the older man. He frowned and picked up a mutilated piece of metal. "What's this Master?"

"It's the under desk support. It didn't fit into the slot so I assumed it had to be welded in."

Obi-Wan coughed, holding back a laugh. "Uh, Master, I don't think that's what you had to do." He retrieved the discarded packaging box and showed his aster the overlooked sticker placed on front. "No tools besides a screw driver required." Obi-Wan lifted an eyebrow at the dozens of tools scattered around them.

Qui-Gon frowned and his cheeks colored slightly. "Well…. yes…ahem."

The Padawan thought for a moment. "May I try Master? To assemble it?"

Qui-Gon got to his feet and scoffed. "You may try. As much as I believe in your engineering skill, Padawan, I don't think it will do much help. This heap of junk is next to impossible. I should have listened to you earlier Padawan." He shook his head furiously and threw his arms in the air. "Never buy anything that need assembling. Especially furniture!"

"What about your Lightsaber?" pointed out Obi-Wan. "You assembled that."

The Jedi Master paused. "Well, yes. That is different."

Obi-Wan considered the comparison. "I don't know about that Master. I think there isn't a difference." He picked up the discarded screwdriver.

"Qui-Gon held out the manual. "You want to take a look at this?" 

The Sixteen-year-old took the manual. He briefly flipped through it, pausing once in a while to look at something. Obi-Wan closed it, and handed it back to Qui-Gon. Without a word, he set to work. He adjusted the metal legs and set them upright and tightened the brackets. He added the side plates and adjusted all of the bolts. Obi-Wan shifted and adjusted almost everything Qui-Gon had assembled. He picked up the parts scattered around the room and slid them into their correct position. The parts Qui-Gon had mutilated and welded into pieces, he welded them back together again and slid them easily into their correct positions. Within in fifteen minutes, Obi-Wan set the last piece into the desk, dusted off his tunic and stood. "There." He looked behind him at his Master.

Qui-Gon was seated on the sitting couch. His elbows rested on his knees and his face was in shock. His mouth was opening and closing like a fish, trying to decide what to say. He finally managed out. "How?" he stood up and went over to his Padawan. "How did you do that?" He ran his fingers along the edges and gave the desk a through inspection. All the bolts were firmly in place, the metal and wood sheets were aligned perfectly, and everything was where it should be. It was a beautiful desk. "It looks terrific Padawan. That's amazing." 

Obi-Wan smiled. "Thank you Master, you did most of the work though."

The Jedi Master shook his head in astonishment. "I worked hours on this and it didn't look anything like this. Not at all. This is amazing." Her looked at his Padawan. "What was it? Was a part faulty?"

"No. All of the parts were all right. None of them were missing either."

"Then how did you do it? You didn't even use the manual." 

Obi-Wan grinned and fingered one of the seams. "I let the force guide me. I looked at the picture and saw how it was supposed to look. Then I let the force tell me how it fit together. I made sure each piece felt right and put them where they belong. Isn't that what you always tell me? Follow the living force?"

Qui-Gon stared at the teenager. "Well, yes. I never thought it could be used in that way. How did you figure that?"

Obi-Wan shrugged, as if it were no big deal. "You've always taught me that all beings are connected through the living force. I didn't think it would make much difference if it was alive or not, as long as it had a place with something else. I just connected whatever parts felt like they should be together." He paused and grinned sheepishly. "You always told me not to rely primarily on maps or written sources of information on missions, master. I didn't think this would be different. Basically, I just looked at the pictures and reasoned what should go where."

Qui-Gon laughed and clapped his Padawan's shoulder. "I am impressed my Padawan. I would have never thought of that. Perhaps that is why I had so much trouble."

The Padawan shrugged. "Maybe, but it really is hard to assemble this sort of equipment. That's why I advised you not to buy in the first place."

Qui-Gon gave the boy a look. "Are you going to tell me 'I told you so'?"

Obi-Wan backpedaled. "Er, of course not Master."

The Jedi laughed and rested his arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders in a one armed embrace. "When the Master learns something from his apprentice, it I truly a good pairing." He smiled. "I have definitely learned something today Padawan."

"And that would be?" teased Obi-Wan.

"Never by anything that says "some assembly required." Stated Qui-Gon. He took the manual, opened up the recycling chute door and tossed the manual inside. He waited to hear the book's dull thud against the bin to shut the hatch. "Good riddance." Obi-Wan tried hard not to snicker. Qui-Gon sent him a look. Turning away, Obi-Wan reached out with the force and lifted the desk into the old desk's place. It floated gently to the ground.

"It looks very nice." Approved Obi-Wan.

"Indeed." Agreed Qui-Gon. He rubbed his beard. "Though, I can't help but feel like that's something missing."

"Like what Master?" said Obi-Wan. "I'm sure I assembled all of the parts."

"It's not that…" Qui-Gon was cut off by the sound of the door chime. Obi wean jogged over and opened the door. Standing there was one of the Temple's groundsman. He was carrying a box.

"Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn." Asked the man.

"Yes, that is I." Said Qui-Gon stepping forward.

"Will you sign for this?" The man held out a data pad, which Qui-Gon signed. He set the box down on the floor and left.

Qui-Gon examined the box. Obi-Wan came up to him. "What is it Master?" 

"It's the matching chair for the desk." Said Qui-Gon.

"Uh oh." Muttered Obi-Wan. "You don't suppose it…" Qui-Gon nodded. Obi-Wan shook his head. "I have a bad feeling about this…"

Qui-Gon bent down and ripped the packaging tape off, once again disregarding the sideways "This Side Up" sign. A slightly smaller wave of parts came tumbling out of the box, cluttering the once clean floor.

"Here we go again." Muttered Obi-Wan. When here didn't receive a comment back he looked at his Master. He wasn't there. "Master?" he turned around and saw Qui-Gon headed off to his sleep room. "Master?" 

Qui-Gon rubbed his temples with one hand and waved a hand over his shoulder at Obi-Wan. "Padawan, I am going to take a nap. You handle the assembly while I try to wake up from this nightmare. Good night." With that, he shut the sleep room's door.

***The End***

I dunno about this one. IU was just playin' around. Not my greatest, but hey...


End file.
